I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
