OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
