I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
