Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
