can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
