We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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