dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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