porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
