Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
