You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
