WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
