She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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