Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
