CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Randomize
