Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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