Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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