walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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