I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
