woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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