i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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