Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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