i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Why is your signature on my underwear?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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