there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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