2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Dignity is for republicans.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Randomize
