then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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