Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
