Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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