My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize