I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
