my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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