so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
