Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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