I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
