I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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