I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
