Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
