Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
This can only be settled by a dance off.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
