I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
