If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
