I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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