Only a mothe r could love this liver
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
