Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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