so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
