nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
