I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name