i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.