Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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