she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.