There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
i think my cat just said my name.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.