That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
did i just pee glitter
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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