I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
