he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I will pee on everything he values.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
