Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
