is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
