Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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