Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
