Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
