The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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