Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
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Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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