I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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