Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
