that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
