I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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