i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
