Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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